The recent restraining order issued against David Letterman for his alleged coded messaging and remote manipulation of this Santa Fe woman
reminds me of a crazy college roommate I had for a couple of months. Let's call him Derf.
We shared a tiny basement apartment located next to a bar and we could easily hear sidewalk conversations. Apparently, my roommate thought these people were speaking to him in code, and by doing so attempting to recruit him for a gay espionage group. Yes, a Gay Espionage Group.
This all came out one day when I overheard a phone conversation. Derf called the police because he had overslept and missed a class. The obvious explanation: he had been gassed in his sleep by insidious espionage agents. This group had been following him for years carrying out a plot to recruit him into their ranks. Only by fleeing from city to city had he been able to resist them. Well, apparently they found him and were communicating to him via seemingly normal conversations on the street.
So, "Dude, let's go and get a bee-ah" could actually mean, "Derf, we want you to trade top secret info for some man-man intimacy."
When I asked how this all began (big mistake, btw) Derf explained that it started when he first went to college (he was much older than me) and he had a conversation with a classmate, "much like you and I are having this converstion", he would say over and over. He went on to tell me that he learned espionage secrets could be traded for gay sexual favors. Uh, okie dokie. I think I'm starting to get the picture.
Long story short, I become suspect number one for the gassing incident after I started making arrangements to move the hell out. A disconcerting surprise awaited me when I talk to the housing office about my problem. It went something like:
Me: So, this guy won't stop talking about this espionage group and how they're out to get him. It's freaking me out.
Housing Guy: Do you live with Derf?
HG: Yeah, we've been watching him for some time now.
Gee, thanks for volunteering me as guinea pig in the GEG whacko crackdown, I'm thinking. I'll take a single occupancy room on campus, please.